Mindgames

Tha!

The beauty of a living thing is not the atoms that go into it
But the way those atoms are put together
The cosmos is also within us
We’re made of star stuff
We are a way for the cosmos to know itself

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XGK84Poeynk&feature=player_embedded

Little girls come out to play
In a garden full of black flowers today
For their hope has run away
So they chase it through those black flowers again

Little lies
We tell ourselves
Are killing time
We do not have

Will we look around and then suddenly just open our eyes
When the veil is torn and the sun is gone will we realize
Realize, realize, realize time we do not have

Will the children of our future be ok?
Should little girls come to play?
In a garden full of black flowers

Little lies
We tell ourselves
Are killing time
We do not have

Will we look around and then suddenly just open our eyes
When the veil is torn and the sun is gone will we realize
Realize, realize, realize our mistake

Will we look around and then suddenly just open our eyes
When the veil is torn and the sun is gone will we realize
Realize, realize, realize time we do not have

Will we look around and then suddenly just open our eyes
When the veil is torn and the sun is gone will we realize
Realize, realize, realize time we do not have

It is incredible, this integration of technology to our lives. iPhone + bt wireless keyboard, in bed, reading kindle.

It’s hard to say that I’d rather stay Awake when I’m asleep ‘Cause everything is never as it seems

It’s like sinking into the sky on the other side of the Earth without going through the whole thing first. It’s like floating into the earth and the sky at the time, becoming a line not a point, pluming the depths and ascending the heights and then branching out like a tree, like a plain tree, like a huge bush intermingling with every bit of the earth and the sky, and then it’s like every one of those bits isn’t just a bit of earth or a molecule of air any more, it’s like all of them is suddenly a little system of their own; a book, a library, a person; a world… and you’re connected with all of it, ignoring barriers, like you are a brain cell deep in the grainy grey mush of the brain all closed in but joined up to loads of other cells, awash in their communication-song and set free by that trapped machine.

I’m feeling rough, I’m feeling raw, I’m in the prime of my life. 
Let’s make some music, make some money, find some models for wives. 
I’ll move to Paris, shoot some heroin, and fuck with the stars. 
You man the island and the cocaine and the elegant cars. 

This is our decision, to live fast and die young. 
We’ve got the vision, now let’s have some fun. 
Yeah, it’s overwhelming, but what else can we do. 
Get jobs in offices, and wake up for the morning commute. 

Forget about our mothers and our friends 
We’re fated to pretend 
To pretend 
We’re fated to pretend 
To pretend 

I’ll miss the playgrounds and the animals and digging up worms 
I’ll miss the comfort of my mother and the weight of the world 
I’ll miss my sister, miss my father, miss my dog and my home 
Yeah, I’ll miss the boredem and the freedom and the time spent alone. 

But there’s really nothing, nothing we can do 
Love must be forgotten, life can always start up anew. 
The models will have children, we’ll get a divorce 
We’ll find some more models, everyting must run it’s course. 

We’ll choke on our vomit and that will be the end 
We were fated to pretend 
To pretend 
We’re fated to pretend 
To pretend 

Yeah, yeah, yeah 
Yeah, yeah, yeah 
Yeah, yeah, yeah 
Yeah, yeah, yeah

‘If you could access any universe, and go back to one universe at a very early, pre-sentience stage with an already highly developed civilisation…’ ‘You could take over the whole thing,’ the drone confirmed. ‘An entire universe would be yours alone. In fact, go back far enough - that is, to a small enough, early enough, just-post-singularity universe - and you could, conceivably, customise it; mould it, shape it, influence its primary characteristics. Admittedly, that sort of control may well remain in the realm of the fantastic, but it might be possible.’

Ehk siis pikemalt lahti seletades, iga lühikese novembripäevaga mõistan aina rohkem, kui loll ja naiivne noordebiilik ma veel olen ja kui palju on teistelt kunnidelt õppida, et vabaks rabeleda ümbritsevast rumalusest. Osa neid tublisid inimesi, keda ma eeskujudeks pean, suudavad olla nii süvitsi “sees” oma tegevustes, et oma teemast rääkides suudavad iga sõnaga midagi tähenduslikku öelda, samal ajal kui mina oma segaseid poole-midgeti suuruseid mõtteid segasteks lauseteks peas kokku miksin ja midagi siis vastu kokku kobisen. Loen raamatutest suurtest meestest, kes mõtlevad ja teevad eriti lahedaid asju ja mõtlen, et homme ma teen ka oma asju sellise keskendumisega, selllise pühendmise ja entusiasmiga, kaldumata kordagi teelt, aga it never happens, sest…

Isegi kui ma sellest aru saan, (ja ma arvan et ma nüüd ka ju saan (muidu ei julgeks kirjutadagi)) mida ma valesti teen, ei suuda ma neid vigu enda iseloomus ikkagi 100% parandada või lõpuni vastu seista poole tegevuse pealt kergema vastupanu teed minemisele. Raske on üldse ju midagi teha nii, kui sa oled aru saanud et see on puhas pask, mis isegi hästi üritatud ettevõtmisest välja tuleb - sest mingit vajalikku nüanssi ei saa ikka täide viia, kuna ressursse selle jaoks ei eraldata ja siis lõpuks oled Sina ju see loll, ükskõik kui keskpäraselt üle keskmise asjaga sa lõpuks õhtule said. Sest on ju veel need ja need ja need asjad, mille peale sa ei mõelnudki?! Tobuke! Need kõik tulevad lõpuks välja, kui üli vajalikud detailid ja siis küsitakse, et noh, miks sa alguses kohe ei mõelnud selle peale, ah? Me pole üldse rahul. Ma pole üldse rahul. Seda ei öelda tihti välja, aga vähemalt endale nii tundub. Sest hinges sa tead, et sa oled 80% sitatootja ja sa pole üldse rahul.

… nii palju mingit hülge ila tuleb päevast-päeva ühest kannust teise valada, et see rikub need öösiti meisterdatud keskendumisplaanid. Inspiratsioon ja eeskujud ja isegi mingid suuremad eesmärgid on ju nüüd olemas, ostetud, endale kinnitatud, aga see ei vii edasi, sest see hülgekannu maik on kogu värgil igapäevaselt juures. Niiet lähed teed endale kohvi ja mõtled et türa nüüd peab 4 kannu ila valama ja külgkorviga edasi saatma.

Vabadus oleks seljakotiga metssigadele kartulite viimine. Kuid lõpuks ei pääse ila loksustamisest, kui sa tahad seda mängu mängida mees! Kartulite viimisega on see, et see on delikaatne protsess, mida õigesti tehes, oleks aega mõelda linnulaulust ja nendest asjadest mida sai üleeelmises lõigus välja toodud. Ehk siis teha tegelt kõike seda mida kõik ootavad. Et sa neile kartuleid viiksid, aga kuna pole aega, ega loomulikult ka kartuliseemneid, siis nad on nõus võtma oma “kartulid” vastu - need kartulid mis sa just kannu valasid - hülgest.

Looking out across the night-time

The city winks a sleepless eye
Hear her voice shake my window
Sweet seducing sighs

Get me out into the night-time
Four walls won’t hold me tonight
If this town is just an apple
Then let me take a bite

If they say, why, why? Tell ‘em that is human nature
Why, why does he do me that way?
If they say, why, why? Tell ‘em that is human nature
Why, why does he do me that way?

Reaching out to touch a stranger
Electric eyes are everywhere
See that girl, she knows I’m watching
She likes the way I stare

If they say, why, why? Tell ‘em that is human nature
Why, why does he do me that way?
If they say, why, why? Tell ‘em that is human nature
Why, why does he do me that way?
I like livin’ this way, I like lovin’ this way

Looking out across the morning
The city’s heart begins to beat
Reaching out, I touch her shoulder
I’m dreaming of the street

If they say, why, why? Tell ‘em that is human nature
Why, why does he do me that way?
If they say, why, why? Ooh, tell ‘em
Why, why does he do me that way?

If they say, why, why? Cha cha cha
Why, why does he do me that way?
If they say why, why, why? Ooh, tell ‘em
Why, why does he do me that way?

If they say, why, why? Ooh, tell ‘em
Why, why does he do me that way?
If they say, why, why? Da da da
Why, why does he do me that way?
I like livin’ this way

Everything went better than expected.

Kas ma peaksin muret tundma selle pärast, et ma tunnen nii vähe huvi nende asjade vastu, mis teistele tundub nii suurt pinget pakkuvat? Kuidas te raisk suudate olla aastast aastasse motiveeritud sellest kõigest? Sellel ei ole ju mingit sügavamat pointi mis te enamus ajast teete ja räägite.

Aga tegelikult ma tahaksin praegusel perioodil ainult lugeda ja mõtelda ja lugeda. Need tavakodanikule nii käsitlematud ideed erutavad mu aju ja pakuvad äratundmisrõõmu.

Kõige olulisem on leida tasakaal. Tasakaal esmaste vajaduste ja luksuse, hea ja halva, kasuliku ja mittekasuliku vahel. Kuldne kesktee.

Võib-olla olen ma väga lähedal, võib-olla ei ole ma asja pealispindagi veel puudutanud. Aga ma olen siin ja mõtlen selle nimel. Liigun mingis suunas. Kunagi ei saa kindel olla, mis Sind selleni tõmbab, kuhu suunas sa enese teadmata liigud.